Anger Without Guilt
Table of Contents

My Meanings

    Love

    Your Inner Teacher

    Your Right Mind

    Your Wrong Mind

    Forgiveness

Chapter 1: Cluelessness to Consciousness

    Many of us torture ourselves with guilt about our anger.

    Getting out of the anger habit rut

    Can Anger Habits be broken?

    CLARIFICATION!

    This book offers guided journaling.

    Life Work

Chapter 2: Anger Without Guilt

    For many people anger and guilt go hand-in-hand.

    What you do with your anger is what matters!

    Give yourself a break!

    The one and only use of guilt

    JAMES

    Five Steps for Managing Yourself When You Become Angry

    Why do we get angry?

    There is one other response to threats besides fight or flight.

    Start talking to yourself like the best coach you’ve ever had

    Life Work

Chapter 3: When is Anger Bad?

    Recently I lost two jobs I loved.

    My wrong mind gave me the urge to tell somebody off.

    Next, isolation!

    After all the soul searching I finally got it!

    When is anger bad? Five ways to mismanage it (and give yourself guilt)

    Every moment of our lives is “The Moment of Truth.”

    Ideas for Releasing Anger in Ways that Don’t Hurt Anyone

    Life Work

Chapter 4: Have You Ever Blown Your Top?

    We’ve all done it.

    They don’t call it blowing your top for nothing.

    Fear guilt and hurt are the “hot magma” bursting to get out!

    As the stress mounts the pressure builds.

    When we blow up we’ve lost self control.

    Tell yourself the truth.

    I was the frustrated mom.

    Try using this process yourself.

    Life Work

Chapter 5: How Do You Talk toYourself?

    All of us talk with ourselves all of the time.

    Moving from shock and anger to control

    Let’s see how you talk to yourself in these scenarios.

    How do you talk with yourself about yourself?

    MARV

    You and I are with ourselves 100% of the time!

    Flip negative self-talk to positive affirmations.

    Life Work

Chapter 6: Know Your Anger Triggers

    I had a very bad morning.

    Gunnysacking!

    A more consequential story about anger from the distant past

    ANNETTE

    This story shows how anger triggers form.

    It’s easy to see in others

    You are clueless when this happens!

    Staying in the “here and now” keeps us sane.

    Do anger riggers cause every type of anger?

    Know your anger triggers!

    Red Alert!

    Neutralize and resolve painful past experiences.

    Life Work

Chapter 7: Can You Refocus?

    I had an unexpected weird experience!

    When is perceiving and believing illusions a Big Deal?

    EVA

    BRIAN

    HAROLD

    Three Conclusions

    Our lives exist in moments.

    Cancel the cost!

    Life Work

Chapter 8: Who Controls You?

    Controlitis has three forms.

    Seven Scenarios

    PAULY

    A life-changing event occurred!

    A major shift came next.

    Affirmations to help stop “controlitis.”

    Life Work

Chapter 9: How Assertive Are You?

What kind of world did you grow up in?

DR. SINGH

How do assertive people act?

How do assertive people think?

HANK

How do aggressive people act?

How do aggressive people think?

JEANNIE

How do submissive people act?

How do submissive people think?

Two sides of the same coin!

Assertiveness is in a category by itself!

Are you ready for a Self-Assessment?

Life Work

Chapter 10: Do People Like to Communicate With You?

    What kind of world did you grow up in?

    DR. SINGH

    How do assertive people act?

    How do assertive people think?

    HANK

    How do aggressive people act?

    How do aggressive people think?

    JEANNIE

    How do submissive people act?

    How do submissive people think?

    Two sides of the same coin!

    Assertiveness is in a category by itself!

    Are you ready for a Self-Assessment?

    Life Work

Chapter 11:  Anger Traps: Part One

    The Anger Habit Trap

    AUNT KATE

    The Past and Present Mix-up Trap

    See the new situation in a new light.

    The Unconscious Imitation Trap

    My mother was an A+ backseat driver.

    How have you been influenced?

    The Unrealistic Expectations Trap

    Do you have a bucket list?

    Life Work

Chapter 12: Anger Traps: Part Two

    The Judging, Blaming, Condemning Trap

    Judging others boomerangs back on us.

    What does judging others achieve?

    Are you harder on yourself than on anyone else?

    Can you step out of judgement?

    The Displacement Trap

    CALVIN

    Shooting at the wrong target

    Preventing displacement is better than letting it happen.

    The Rationalization Trap

    JUANITA

    Rationalization is a very common defense mechanism.

    The Scarcity Trap

    MISS HAVERSHIM

    Self pity is an especially sad misery pit.

    Gratitude is an abbreviation for “Great Attitude!”

    Life Work

Chapter 13: Anger Traps: Part Three

    The Attack and Defense Trap

    AMANDA

    We live in a highly competitive culture.

    A question to ask yourself

    The Need to Be Right Trap

    ARTHUR

    A common trait is the need to be right.

    It’s not a lot of fun being around someone like this.

    The Superiority/Inferiority Trap

    The flip side of this picture

    Imagine you could talk with your very young self.

    The Grudge and Getting Even Trap

    THE NATIVE AMERICAN BOY

    Grudges are poison!

    Don’t feed the wrong wolf.

    Spill the poison down the drain.

    Life Work

Chapter 14: Anger in Your Family: Acting Out

    MARLA AND GAIL

    Acting Out Happens!

    I call these incidents “stupid fights.”

    There is another option.

    Sometimes something snaps.

    When does acting out at home cause serious damage?

    This is NOT anger management!

    What if you are a victim?

    What if you act out at times?

    Life Work

Chapter 15: Anger in Your Family: Unconscious Imitation

    A joke that makes the point

    This story caused me to reflect.

    MY DAD

    Taking abuse, or allowing it to happen is NOT anger management!

     Ideas for Managing Unconscious Imitation When It Hurts Someone

     Are you willing to make changes?

    I have forgiven myself; you can too.

    Life Work

Chapter 16: Anger in Your Family: Rivalries

    MIGUEL

    Rivalries seem to be a jinxed part of human nature.

    SHELLY

    One evening hostilities broke loose.

    Sibling rivalries are so common most people accept them as normal.

    Ideas for Reversing and Minimizing Pain Caused By Rivalries

    Life Work

Chapter 17: Anger in Your Family: Scapegoating

    Summers with my “country cousins” were a real trip!

    AGGIE

    Love and patience can stop scapegoating!

    KARA

    Does your family have a “black sheep?”

    Ideas for Breaking the Scapegoating Pattern

    What if you are your family’s scapegoat?

    KEVIN

    Life Work

Chapter 18: Can You Listen with Your Third Ear?

    MY MOTHER

    Have you given or received this gift?

    True listening is taking our attention off ourselves.

    Sometimes listening is a big challenge.

    Stops for Listening with Your Third Ear

    Plan and prepare for the next time it happens.

    DENNIS

    His healing words were the game changer.

    WYGYG—“What you give you get!”

    What if you can’t get a word in?

    GARRETT

    All it took was 45 minutes of patient listening!

    Life Work

Chapter 19: Can You Handle Confrontations?

    Nobody likes being blamed and shamed.

    Valuable strategies for handling confrontation

    TERRI

    What actions caused the positive outcome?

    What is the opposite of an “I message?”

    Have you noticed the difference in these two ways to confront?

    The Formula for Delivering an “I Message”

    Do you need to confront someone about something at present?

    Turn a Potential Dispute into a Helpful Conversation

    Suggestions for your approach

    Take this opportunity to plan the conversation.

    Ideas for the conversation

    How did the conversation go?

    The Crucial Matter of Motive

    What if someone is blaming, shaming, accusing and criticizing you?

    Life Work

Chapter 20: More Assertive Strategies for Managing Anger and Conflict

    The Yosemite Dispute

    Compromising settled it.

    We postponed a Brawl and Got a Happy Surprise!

    Postponing works!

    An apology was all it took!

    There’s power in apologizing and/or expressing regret!

    Life Work

Endnote: Looking “Out Beyond”

Acknowledgements

Biosketch: Gerry Dunne, Ph.D.