One of the most startling and wonderful books I ever read was "Man's Search for Meaning" by psychologist Viktor Frankl.

Frankl was among millions of Jews taken by the Nazis at the beginning of World War II. He was separated from his wife and children, who were put to death in a gas chamber. He managed to survive years of prison camp and hard labor.

After his ordeal Frankl lived many more years to write his story, counsel patients and teach. I had the good fortune to be one of his students back in the '70s. He claimed he survived because he maintained this attitude: Nothing outside yourself can strip you of your dignity as a human being and your respect and love for yourself unless you let it.

This concept became a lodestar for me that I have tried to remember but at times forgot. When I did, I felt the inner turmoil of heavy burdens, self-pity, anger and even depression. I felt helplessly trapped during those times, but in reality, it wasn't true.

It's easy to see in others — those who are disgruntled and dissatisfied with their lives and the world — but it can happen to us all. Difficulties and disappointments, as well as sad memories, can mount and easily overtake us if we allow it to happen.

Take Charge

What can we do to unload inner turmoil and bring ourselves inner peace? Even though Viktor Frankl was in a hellish environment, he understood that what he chose to focus his mind on was everything.

Our thoughts are powerful. Here's a process your right mind can use to help you out of an anger and/or depression rut if done with an open heart:

• Slow down. Halt any destructive long-term or impulsive thoughts and actions that make things worse for you and others.

 

• Be self-honest. Admit your feelings to yourself no matter how much you wish you weren't feeling them — feelings like resentment, weakness and hatred, the urge to get even, lack and guilt. Identify what the causes are. This step takes courage and patience because many of our worst feelings are unconscious and take time to "bubble up." (Frankl did not deny the feelings he had about his captors and the conditions he was subjected to, but he overcame them by focusing on helping his fellow prisoners and staying in his right mind as much as possible.)

 

• Detach and take charge. Think about how you might see circumstances and situations differently. Choose better attitudes as well as reasonable ways to release and display your feelings. Consider consequences and outcomes. Perhaps you need to give others and yourself a break. Maybe you need to become more assertive about your needs. The key lies in what you determine will be most helpful to you and others in your life.

 

• Keep your plan in your thoughts and act on it moment to moment. If you forget the plan, start again just as soon as you remember.

Think of this process like using an internal GPS. First, realize you are in a rut or even on the wrong road. Next, recalculate, then make the necessary corrections and continue your life's journey going in the direction of inner peace.

Gerry Dunne, PhD, is a psychologist and author of the book "Anger Without Guilt: Anger Management Begins Within." To return to our home page, click: Anger Without Guilt home page.To arrange an appointment, Email us at: dr.gerrydunne@gmail.com.